Modesty

Have you ever seen those guys who sag their pants super low? I love watching them try to run. They hold their waistband in one hand while the other hand flails around in what I imagine is an attempt to keep balance. Feet are kicked high in front of them with each step - an attempt to keep their pants from falling further - as they move in their cartoon-esque scamper.

Certainly you've seen those girls who cake on eyeliner and lipstick so much so that, while their daily wear leaves no room for imagining their naked breasts, you wonder if you’d recognize their naked face.

Immodesty can be pretty hilarious. I’ve seen people walk straight into walls while taking selfies. I’ve seen guys strut through a gym shirtless, oblivious of the disgusted looks on the faces of the girls they were trying to impress.

It can be pretty depressing too. I’ve seen gorgeous girls dress like prostitutes and revel in being treated as sex objects. I’ve seen a guy spend his entire savings on new car rims and have nothing left to buy his daughter a birthday present. We are all obsessed with appearance. But when does purposeful appearance cross into pride?

When I was little, we used to make fun of kids who tucked in their shirts and wore belts. Today, if my shirt is not tucked in, I have an undershirt that is and leaving my house without a belt on is more traumatic for me than leaving my house without a phone. Now, believe me, I have no fashion sense. My reasons for dressing the way I do, though, have changed. As a child I wanted people to like me. Today I want people to respect me. As a child I valued attention. Today I value functionality.

I’m certainly not saying you should follow my example in how to dress. I can’t drawl a magic line for you and say, “This is where one crosses over into immodesty.” If you were hoping for such guidelines, I apologize. My aim is only that you consider your intention.

The issue with immodesty lies in whether or not people can distinguish between attractive and sexually attractive. When beautiful is equated with sexy our whole view of romance becomes grossly mucked up.

Middle school girls run around teasing guys sexually because they think that it’s fun. It’s also what they see on TV and from the adults around them. These same boys are learning from TV and from the adults around them that, if they’re teased, any response, even violent, is justified. Girls use their bodies as a weapon or at the least as a tool, not as delicate temples. Guys view girls as something to be conquered, not protected.

Somehow gender equality, which is a great ideal spoken of often in the New Testament, has lost in its movement the value of gender roles. What used to define chivalry now defines a pretentiousness. What used to define smut now defines elegance. Definitions are truly fragile things.

Merriam-Webster defines modesty as, "Freedom from conceit or vanity." Forget whatever you've thought of modesty up to right now and make that your definition.

If modesty is freedom from conceit or vanity then we must conclude that immodesty is captivity to conceit or vanity.

So here is Seven's practical definition of modesty: Take pride in your appearance (consider how it may effect others) while not being prideful of your appearance (seeking selfish attentions).

Consider HOW others may look at you:
Do everything for God’s glory. Cause no one to stumble. (1 Cor. 10:31-32) We have a responsibility to keep ourselves from even the appearance of evil. (1 Thess. 5:22)

Consider WHY others may look at you:
Do not conform the the world. Do not think too highly of yourself. (Rom. 12:2-3) Our attention should not be on ourselves, but on others. (1 Cor. 10:24)

It’s not so much a balancing act as it is a realization that it’s not all about you and me. We are second to God.

How do we fit in with society and how do we express ourselves if we have to dress like nuns and monks? Well, make up your mind. Do you want to blend in or stand out? Do you want to shock the world with conviction or shock the world with provocation? As with anything worth considering, we should look at the purpose of modesty.

Provocative attire is mean to stimulate a reaction. Scanty attire is mean to arouse a sexual response. Vain attire is meant to garner the attention of others and conceited attire is meant to garner the envy of others. Modest attire is meant to put the focus above ourselves.

Look at what you are wearing right now. Does it say, "I don't care about what other people think of me?" That is conceited. You are believing yourself to be above the review of others. Does it say, "Look at me, pay attention to be, want to be like me?" That is vanity. You are believing that the review of others is of some vital importance.

Freedom from vanity and conceit lies in understanding that neither your opinions nor the opinions of others are all-important. Neither are they unimportant.

I can’t tell you where to drawl the line. I encourage you to pray and ask God for guidance and conviction. I also encourage you to set yourself under the authority of an older brother or sister (same gender as yourself) and commit yourself to submitting to their guidance in this area.

Live for more than yourself. True love is found when intention is raised above petty desire.

Discussion points:

Have you ever been distracted by someone’s appearance? When does individuality cross over to vanity?

Unless you are someone’s mentor or parent, this is not an area you should call others out on. Instead look at yourself. Maybe where others wear too little clothing or forget belts you wear too much jewelry or overdo the cologne. It’s not for me to say. Where is your intention?

I cover up my tattoos in many public situations. Part of the joy in freedom from conceit is that I find more fulfillment in not distracting from God’s message than I do in expressing my inked-on Jesus pride. Are you free enough to put yourself second?

Don’t consider your appearance for yourself. Don’t even consider your appearance for your spouse or future spouse. Consider your appearance as a prince or princess of heaven. How would representatives of God present themselves?