The Battle

This life is not an easy one to live. Life, itself, is elusive. Life, you see, is not the breath you take or your heartbeat; it is Christ. Life is spiritual. It is love. When we are told that our battle in this life is not against flesh and blood, but against spiritual powers of darkness, we are being shown the difference between the living in Christ and the walking dead.

The problem is we are usually fighting the wrong thing or not fighting the right thing. We tend to think of being a Christian as being in a fight. In reality, it is when we are living as Christ would live that we are at peace. The fight is against the spiritual darkness that can consume us. Ironic though it may seem to those who don't understand reality, fighting often involves resting in the peace of Christ.

It is not possible for one who has received Christ to become one of the walking dead again, but all too often we find ourselves imitating them: following a crowd of zombies, fulfilling the desires of the flesh, living in darkness, fearing the light, and tearing down the living.

We frequently need to stop and ask ourselves, what is it that we are fighting and what should we be fighting? Are we defeating the darkness by resting in the light, or are we destroying the light by fighting in the darkness?

The Weaver

Another scratch as the ink forms my life in an unseen book in an untouched heaven

Untold volumes holding every though, word, and action of every long fated human

Is my life, then, a chapter, or do I hold a special privilege of filling a paperback novel

A fleeting speck in the history of the world left to wander and look up and grovel

I am just a story to be left in the library of an unfeeling author who gave me a heart

All I can do is take the turns as they come on the path he made and watch it fall apart

The strange observer in a story that I cannot step back from because it's all there is

But I do not feel as if I am helpless; I feel that I can move and decide and make a fist

When I stop and think about it I find it hard to see my life as a novel for entertainment

No book could hold the complexities and relationships in one life that is heaven-sent

Looking just beyond the reach of my arm no book could ever describe life on this earth

Unless the books, like sand, can be poured out into each other, none could even hold a birth

I feel I am strung together on a table, intertwined with all of existence in a melody of thread

As I move I cannot see the extent of the ripple I have caused on the time on which I lay my head

I can see now that this living universe could never be held in books or placed on a shelf

I have revealed the world as an unending, marvelous rug where one thread is the sum of myself

And this weaver is one whose hands have traveled the length of every strand at every turn

The product that remains a beautiful creation that stirs love and passion in its glorious pattern

If my life was written in a book, I don't imagine that it would have many pages, but rather that it would be a very big book. Every huge turning point in my life, then, would be like the turning of one of these pages. Then, I suppose, there would be some pages that do not have much written on them at all...and other pages that have to be written in finer print than the others because they go on for so long. Unfortunately, a book would have no way of containing the complexity of life, or even the intricate nature in one of these turns that make life as vibrant as it is.These twists and turns are far too difficult to comprehend a far too beautiful to be written down in a book. Perhaps this life is being weaved, taking each choice I make in rhythm, creating a marvelous artwork fit for the King of the Universe. This, then, is just another turn, in the Artist's guiding fingers.

Prayer

As my teachers are beginning to realize how few weeks are left in the semester, my workloads in each class are quickly escalating, something I hadn't fully considered when I agreed to working full time now through the holidays, when we get more trucks in per night than any other time. I really can't stress out about it. God always gives us what we need to get done what needs to be done. I have A's in all my classes, and I'm heading into the end of the semester with a good grasp on every class. But... still I have never been good at just buckling down and getting work done.

I have a very very good friend who is amazing at doing just that. They're usually as far ahead in all their classes as they can be, all their homework gets done usually the day it's assigned, and therefore they don't have to stress about whether they'll have time to fit it in right before it's due. Definitely something that I need to work on.

So how does one focus when one is really tired from work, or really distracted because they're not working? Caffeine and food is the simple answer. Caffeine brings plenty of immediate energy, and eating healthy-good carbs and proteins-gives you more long term energy. But the real answer to it, as is the answer to most problem...well all problems, is prayer.

Here's another example, one that perhaps you can look at less personally than say work and busy schedules: Imagine a man were to make a vow. Imagine the vow was to live in responsibility, purity, sobriety, honesty, and forgiveness. Then, imagine that he shaves his head every day until his vow becomes his lifestyle in order to consecrate his vow. That man would be a bald man the rest of his life unless he discovered that his vow must be, in truth, a seven-fold vow, adding on prayer and that which prayer requires-namely humility.

Let's imagine another scenario: you are late for work, your car dies, your best friend's dog dies, a family member is terribly sick in the hospital, your beloved leaves you, the banks call all your loans, and you haven't eaten all day. What can you do? You can pray. And when you pray, humbling yourself before God, you will be offered peace, which you can ignore, and hold on to your stresses, or accept. You will not be given a "this is why..." answer. But if you are truly praying with a humble heart (and with a day like that you'd better be humble), you can know that God is in control. Your focus will be on Him, and when you keep your eyes on Him, whether when tired or at the end of your rope, you can walk on water. This is my reality.

Faithful

My nephew, it turned out, did not have one hole in his heart. An entire atrial wall was more holes that tissue. The surgery was a success! He is all patched up. God is indeed faithful, but not in the way we expected.

I wrote this prayer a few years back.

"You are not a God who does what we expect. That is one of my favorite things about you, but, Lord, that is also one of the most frustrating things about you. That's alright. Let me lose, Lord, but do not let me lose the lesson. I will trust you in all times, the good and the bad and the in-between. Fill me, and let me be content with you, your love inside of me. I will love deeply and passionately so that I may live life completely. I will take the great risks required for great love and great achievement. Lord, I will live as you live in me: Completely."

God is indeed my favorite frustration. If there is one thing I understand about God, it's that His plan is always more glorious than we could ever expect. We were asking God to close one hole. He may have smiled and did just that. The miracle we were expecting was far smaller than the miracle of that rascal of a baby boy living all this time with his heart so fragile.

God may not do what we expect of Him. That's something that I've often hated in the past, but as I gain wisdom, bit-by-bit, it has become something that I absolutely love about Him. His plan is absolutely perfect. His ways are far greater than ours. He is an amazing Creator, a faithful Father. This is my reality.

Faith to Move Trees

[Jesus] replied, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it will obey you. (The Gospel according to Luke, Ch.17 v.6 NIV)

When I was a child, I would stare at an object and will it to move with all my might, after asking God to move it. Well...to be completely honest, it's a thought that still crosses my mind. Every time, I would curse my lack of faith for not being able to move whatever it was I was staring at.

I realized later, that what I try to move when doing something like that, is actually my unbelief. Do I believe God can move a rock, or a tree, or not? The practice of removing our unbelief is painted clearly for us by the father of a possessed boy in the Gospel according to Mark, chapter 9 verses 20-24, ESV.

"And they brought the boy to [Jesus]. And when the spirit saw him, immediately it convulsed the boy, and he fell on the ground and rolled about, foaming at the mouth.
And Jesus asked his father, 'How long has this been happening to him?'
And he said, 'From childhood. And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.'
And Jesus said to him, '"If you can"! All things are possible for one who believes.'
Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, 'I believe; help my unbelief!'"

The simple truth is that all too often it takes us coming to a point of desperation to truly remove our unbelief. Unbelief is, in itself, an act of pride. It is us saying that we know better than the creator of the universe. When we are desperate, we are humble.

I have a nephew who was born six weeks premature. He made it through and has grown to be a beautiful and rambunctious little guy who's well on his way to being a toddler. However, his heart had not quite finished forming when he was born. It still has a hole and, while he has done well thus far, he will need to have open heart surgery this Thursday. This spring will be the two year anniversary of the passing of this little guy's older brother. He had only lived a few months before he went home. If you ever want to see me sob, just ask me about the nephew who beat me home. I couldn't even write that little bit without a few tears getting out :) His ashes are buried under a weeping cherry tree in our backyard.

I miss my nephew more than I can say. I miss him a lot. I am happy for him. He would have had such a hard life because of the complications he was born with, and now he's running and singing with his Daddy. I can't wait to go home and see him again.

But for now, here my family and I are faced with another tree in the road: the whole in my little nephew's heart. My dad's been praying and fasting, asking God to heal the little guy's heart before he even goes in to surgery. Do we have any doubt that God can do this? No. We know he can. But like that father crying out to Jesus, so we too are crying out, "We believe you can heal him! Help our unbelief!" And as always, when we show faith, He will show Himself to be faithful. This is my Reality.

Ask

Those who seek to speak with God need only to open their mouths. Many imagine God as an impersonal tyrant, far off on a throne with little care for the personal lives of man. This God is expected to be hard to get the attention of. Many imagine that He rarely, if ever, looks their way. They also expect Him to speak as though over a megaphone, loud and powerful, with a simple dialectic explanation for our queries.

Look at the story of the great prophet, Elijah, in the book of 1st Kings, chapter 19, we can see how God truly reveals himself, and looking oat ourselves we can see why.

Elijah was hiding in a cave, from Jezebel, the queen who was seeking to kill him. Just days before he had called down fire from Heaven, and had done away with the prophets of Baal. Yet, we see him wondering what God can do. He feels alone, that He is the only one left who serves God, and God tells him that He will show Himself to him. God sends an earthquake, a fire, and a great wind, but He was not in any of these. Then Elijah hears a gentle whisper, and God was in the whisper.

God can do all the miraculous wonders in the universe, and He does, but if we don't have faith in Him and His ability, they won't mean anything to us. We can call down fire from Heaven one day, and the next say that the case is hopeless. We don't need fire from heaven as an answer from God, we need His very intimate presence. So we need to listen for that gentle whisper.

What is it we are expecting of God? In truth, what most of us are expecting is less than that which God offers. Most want God to show some great miraculous sign, as if fire falling from the sky will suddenly prove to us that God is real and present. We want to be told a straight answer, as if this knowledge will help us understand any further. God, rather, wants us to understand. He wants us to experience Him personally . God will speak to us. Are we listening, or are we waiting for a sign that we know won't convince us? Do we expect God to simply answer us? To teach us? To hear us? The truth is available if we have the faith to see it. This is my reality.

The weary do not seek strength, and yet they tire of being weary.
The lonely do not converse, and yet they complain of being alone.
The confused do not ask, and yet they wonder at not understanding.

"Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete." (Christ Jesus, the Gospel according to John, ch.16 c.24 NIV)

A Sandwich

I was eating my sandwich during our lunch break at work the other night, and I was suddenly overcome with the urge to compare the world to my sandwich. So I said to my coworker, who was standing there,

"Life is like a sandwich. See, you have the slices of bread, which represent time and space. Then, on the inside, we have the meat, the cheese and the lettuce. That's the metaphysical stuff. You know, like faith, love, and reason; because, that's really what makes up life. You know? (he nodded) And then you have your mustard and mayo, which I suppose we could call our senses. Because, you know, our senses are really just a garnish to the world. We can't trust our senses, and you can't even use your senses in a logical debate. They just add that sweet and bitter to the experience. And then you put it all together in this beautiful creation and what do you get man? Delicious! (he laughed) That's what you get! Delicious, nutritious, and dang good. Anyhow, that's my reality. Delicious. And that's not even mentioning the carrots after the sandwich!"

Contentment

"There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, 'All right, then, have it your way.'" -C.S.Lewis

I suppose we all go through times in our life when we think we have it figured out. The interesting thing is that when we don't think we have it figured out, life doesn't turn us on our heads. You can't plan on life. Saying you know where you will be in a year is like saying you know that this leaf on this branch will fall from this tree at 2:30.01 pm on October 15th.

God's really been working on me with contentment. I'm learning that contentment isn't just being ok with the situation I'm in; it's more what you taught me when you taught me to see the beauty in the moment. God doesn't want me to just be ok with where I am and the situation I'm in. He doesn't want me to be restless. And while he does want me to hope with expectation for the future, He wants me to embrace the situation I'm in and see it for all its beauty. I may never be able to speak to thousands of people and teach them about the truth I know, but He gave me a beautiful glimpse of the sunset after my class this evening. I can be content in that beauty He's blessed me with. I can be as victorious telling a complete stranger at work that I'm a Christian as I can be preaching the gospel to the nations.

A lot of this practice is done by seeking and knowing God's will, which is frankly much easier than people make it out to be. Do you remember the "What Would Jesus Do?" bracelets? The idea was to take each moment and try to live it as Christ would. Now, seeing as how those bracelets were extremely popular when I was in middle school, the notion wore out quite fast. I had a hard time applying the thought to Earth Science and recess politics. What would a smelly, short Palestinian who walked this earth 2000 years ago in sandals and long hair do during a boring lecture about cumulus clouds or during a game of four square? Well, anyhow that's how my mind worked in middle school. I'm sure it worked better for a lot of people. It made more sense to me, though, to ask, "What would Jesus have me do?" Knowing God's will is just as simple as asking this question.

The process we go about in getting the answer is laid out for us, plain as day.

"-Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.-" (The Apostle Paul's Epistle to the Romans ch.12 vs. 1-2 NIV)

Great! So we just offer our bodies as living sacrifices and become transformed by the renewing of our minds! ....Say what?

It's really much simpler than it sounds. Realize that this life is not your own and live it for Christ, and keep challenging your mind and keep it fresh by studying the word and seeking Truth in every part of your life. This Truth being, of course, Christ and what reflects Him.

In His own words, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him." (The Gospel According to the Disciple John ch.14 vs.6-7 NIV)

We know God by knowing Christ, we know God's will by knowing Christ's Truth and Way of right living. When we do this, we can truly embrace every moment for it's Truth and ever situation with full vivacity. This is my Reality.

Forest

Just a boy in a forest of shadows,
walking a thin dirt road toward the end.
All is still but for a chilly breeze,
and in the cold dark i pretend it's whisper is my friend.
Where are you going? I pretend he asks.
To the end, I reply, away from the past.
Isn't his your past? He holds up a snake,
It will be no use running.
Then the viper struck and my leg was frozen in fear.
The pain shot through my whole being,
my hands gripped the earth below,
and I quivered in anticipation of another bite.
A deep rumble pulled my head around.
The wind began to howl.
A lion, mouth filled with blood was standing over me.
What was below my knee could hardly be called a leg.
The beast roared, deafening me,
and then he stood and walked away.
I clawed my way to a tree
and managed to sit against it.
I sat, gasping, grasping for air.
I saw, leaning over, my picture in pool of blood.
It rose and fell as the life drained away.
Then it came and alighted next to me,
a beautiful bird of the night, graceful like death.
You look like you need help.
It's past that, it's past, I said, not even looking up.
Have you asked for help?
From who?
Yes! And with that he began to sing
a haunting melody caught on one vowel.
Ooooo-ooooo-ooo-ooooooo-ooooo
and he sang and sang, and so I raised my head
and we sang together, the owl and I.
We sang and we sang and when I looked he was gone
and in his place stood a man covered in blood.
You look awful, I said to him.
And he smiled at me,
and he wept with me.
The man was cut and torn all over.
As a tear fell into the pool beneath me,
I saw his feet, a hole in each one
still bleeding and filling my puddle.
He grabbed my arms and pulled me up,
and as I stood on my legs he held me close.
His blood covered me, as he bled, there for me.
We danced, we laughed, we sang, and we ran.
Down the path the two of us went.
The owl came and landed on his shoulder.
He patted it and it turned toward me and winked.
Looking like it was laughing, it took wing into the sky
as the light came up and the shadows fell over,
and as it flew across the light I saw it was a dove here,
and its graceful shape I saw that I was in love here.
Just a boy in a forest of lights,
walking a thin dirt road toward the end.

Perseverance

Perseverance is not something that's fun, and it's certainly not easy. There are a lot of times when we stop and just wonder, "Why in the world am I doing this?" Whether it's at school, at work, or in a relationship, there always comes a point (usually several) when we have to actively make the choice to continue on.

"-Not only [do we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God], but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.-" (The Apostle Paul's Epistle to the Romans ch.5 vs.3-5 NIV)

I will be the first to say that sufferings don't make me jump up and down with glee. In fact, when my caffeine pills (which I took because I'd only had four hours of sleep the night before) gave me an ulcer last night at work and I was pulling pallets with one hand as the other was gripping my hurting stomach, I didn't even have a smile on my face. If anything, it was a grimace. But I did have to laugh.

You see, that verse had just played on iPod as I was listening right before my ulcer began to hurt. I knew this principle beforehand, but I don't think it really hit so clearly as it did last night. It's not about jumping up and down with joy when you're suffering. It's about the fact that I could laugh. I wasn't bitter. I could even smile at my coworkers and at shoppers when they talked to me.

Perseverance really isn't about liking the suffering you're going through. It's about not being defeated by it. When we overcome bitterness and weariness, we become stronger people, and we find hope.

"-Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.-" (The Apostle Paul's Epistle to the Galatians ch.6 v.9 NIV)

We persevere by looking for that hope. Hoping is what get's us through the hardest of times. And when we hope, we will not be disappointed as long as we don't give up. Why? Well, it always comes back to love. God poured out his love on us by the Holy Spirit. Our hope is from God and it is secure in Him. You know what? I feel great today! It's been a great day! I'm not in the least disappointed. I almost wanted to dance when I was leaving work, and tonight I am full of contentment. And this is such a simple example.

It's because we know that we won't be disappointed, and we won't, that we can actually get excited about sufferings. Every time we are confronted with a time of suffering, be it physical, emotional, or spiritual, we are being given a chance to not only grow stronger right now, but to reap a harvest in the future so long as we persevere to the end. We can have hope in this, and we can know with certainty that we will not be disappointed. This is my Reality.

Forgetting What Lies Behind

"-Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.-" (The Apostle Paul's Epistle to the Philippians ch.3 vs.13-14 ESV)

Forgetting the past is so hard to do, but so necessary. If we live stuck in the past, we will never move forward, and if we carry the past with us, we will never have the strength to climb out of the valley. What are we, then, supposed to do with the past? Live, learn, and and leave it behind? Will backwards, as Nietzsche would argue? Does our past define us or not? Is it that past that makes us who we are today?

Many of us try to leave our past behind and find it dogging us like our shadows. The past is always just a step behind us. But we need to realize that it is not our pasts that propel us toward the future, and we are not tied to our pasts by some metaphysical leash. Each of us has a divine purpose set for us.

The LORD said to Jeremiah, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations." (the book of the Words of Jeremiah ch.1 v.5 ESV)

In this way, God has appointed each of us to our purpose. Some to be teachers, some to be healers, some to be leaders, some to be workers, some to be owners, some to be servants, some to be prophets, and all to be His ambassadors on Earth.

God will uses our pasts to weave out His purpose. As we learn from the words of Joseph, who perhaps learned this better than any man, "As for you (brothers), you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today." (the book of the Genesis ch.50 v.2 ESV) and in the words of the Apostle Paul, "-And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.-" (the Apostle Paul's Epistle to the Romans ch.8 v.28 ESV)

We should not be so naive as to think that God's purpose for us is no longer possible because of a mistake we have made or that God must not have a purpose for us because of something that has befallen us. Paul hunted Christians before he became the apostle who would bring Christianity to the Gentiles and translate the Bible into Greek. Joseph was sold as a slave by his brothers and later falsely imprisoned for years before becoming the most powerful man in the world besides the Pharaoh himself and rescuing the world from a seven year famine.

Nietzsche purposed, in his idea of willing backwards, that we should actually will that all the things that have happened in our past happened. This is the same man who claimed that man, by forgetting Him, could kill God. You are not where you are because of anything in your past. You are where you are because God, who is your future, is calling you to have a future and hope in Him. You don't need to will backwards. Just will that God will guide your next step.

Let me say some things clearly. God is not dependent in any way upon man. You are not your past, just as Paul, in the end, was not a Christian hunter. Bad things happen, as they did with Joseph, but they don't determine, in any way, the outcome. And yes, we can learn from our mistakes, but we can also learn that poison is bad for us without drinking arsenic.

Whatever truth you have found in you past, learn it and know it. Then, that truth is not from your past, but a part of you right now. There is a time to remember, a time to laugh, and a time to mourn. But the past is past. You can't, by walking backwards, take back a step you've taken. So move on, toward that "upward call."

There is but one truth-past, present and future-to know, and He is Christ Jesus. He is the goal that we press on toward. Your identity is in Him, not in your past, and your future is in Him. So move towards Him, and forget what lies behind. For a glorious new day lies beyond the horizon. This is my Reality.

Split

Ink bleeds from the pen as I strive to capture the truth covered in shadow. The whole of reality stowed behind a veil of human eyes. I live within this hidden reality, dancing in the cold night of summer. Behind my eyelids I peer into the deep chasms of my heart, where blood mixes with soul. What secrets will I find here?

Whispers here tell of mysteries locked in groans and pouring from the soul. These all seeing truths become the masterminds behind what has become my ensnarement, the labyrinth of my eternity. I am lost to myself. I hold a story that cannot be understood. The mind holds the day. Outside of the heart what key can unlock the mind? No key exists for unlocking the heart, held by such things the world has only felt. I am free inside of a prison. Who saw fit to design a prison in which our only freedom comes in what binds us to shadow?

Fear, fear, fear, the world I know, knowing out of fear. The soul screams and tries to tear itself from the moment of time. Time, my captor, the holder of truths undiscoverable and reasoning unreachable. What is and what has been becomes mixed in the swirl of existence.

The eyelid rises as a tear falls, cracking the mask and revealing the pure eyes behind. A strange smile of beauty seen for a moment unchanging. Truth lies somewhere hidden in this moment. My soul screams once more and splits itself from that shadow within, hiding me. I turn from that past as from the ephemeral fear itself. Knowing now, knowing out of truth, I capture the reality in each stroke of my pen. Every movement becomes my own movement, each with a purpose. I am standing beneath a light in a dark night. Here I can clearly see the secret, hidden from me. I am my secret.
Freedom from a prison becomes the proof that the prison cannot be my home. But I blink again. I look out to the dark unknowable forces in this moment and my intimate companion, fear, turns toward me and nods his head. Music floats over to me and settles on top of the troubled world offering a blanket of reality and a hope for meaning, each note a living color to fill a day with peace. I am left to try to understand the meaning of the time and place I am in.

Fifteen lines with fifteen sounds bend my mind.

Unspoken mysteries are whispering in the evening’s breeze.
What cannot be removed is taken from the heat’s deepest rooms.
Meddling spirits open and close doors out of time with the goal.
This road is traveled many times but no foot sets upon it.
Burning winter nights open the eyes of sleeping angels here.
Embracers of dark thoughts travel light on idle nights in pairs.
Darker hued truths are found after sunset with ink stained bruises.
Certainty is the companion of crazy peoples’ journeys.
The singer of songs has to live the lyrics before sleep comes.
Purity is filled with truth and drinking it sustains the free.
Happiness is outside of time but limited by the mind.
Walking closer to the mountain trail stirs peace into the soul.
Music takes us higher than the memories of tomorrow.
One wish would take me home where I can live and know my own self.
Falling short to rise again is the grace of a fire’s name.

Photo by Matthew Smith

Written in February of 2009

Paradox

We live in what C.S. Lewis once referred to as the "shadowlands," an evanescent vapor by which we are separated from reality, not by distance or time, but by perception itself. It should not shock us to realize that what we perceive is in fact not reality. Reality is, after all, relative to one's own experiences.

Take the value of "awareness" for example: one might very well be aware of one's computer and keyboard as they read this, but at that moment it is physically impossible to aware of one's self in a third person sense. Indeed, even when looking at one's self in the mirror it is impossible to separate one's self from one's own person and be aware of one's self as another person. In this sense, one is not a part of one's own reality but merely the one who perceives that reality to be what it is. Is it possible to be real to yourself?

There is, and it should be rightly recognized as related to this concept of reality, a practice that comes from Eastern religions of "self realization." The act of, through mediation and ritual, separating yourself from yourself in order to be aware of yourself in just the way I said was impossible. According to the Buddhist tradition, Siddhartha Gotama was one of the first to do just this and reach what is referred to in Buddhism as "enlightenment." So if Siddhartha was able to see himself through this eye of the universe, is it possible for others? That is, of course, the reason for the continuation of Buddhism, and, if I am not mistaken, there have been several Buddhas since Siddhartha. Several who have achieved rising to that "Perfect Being."

I asked a Buddhist monk once about the energy that all Buddhists sought through mediation, the link that holds the universe together and through which the path to enlightenment is found. I asked her if it was alive. She responded, "Oh, absolutely! In some ways it's more alive than anything else." I sat down with a great feeling of triumph in my heart because a monk from another religion had recognized the undeniable force of life which indeed does hold this universe together. My feeling of triumph soon darkened to a great sadness, however. She was so close to the reality of the matter, and I wonder how close the Buddha must have been.

The following is a paragraph from the Stanford Dictionary of Philosophy's article titled "Emotions of the Christian Tradition" edited by Robert Roberts and first published Feb. 1, 2006

"-In the opening chapter of Civilization and Its Discontents, Sigmund Freud considers a proposal of his friend Romain Rolland, that the “fons et origo” of religious needs, “the source of the religious energy which is seized upon by the various Churches and religious systems,” is an “oceanic” feeling, a feeling which Rolland calls “a sensation of ‘eternity’, a feeling as of something limitless, unbounded” (p. 11). It is “a feeling of an indissoluble bond, of being one with the external world as a whole” (p. 12). Freud himself thinks that this feeling (which he cannot find in himself) is probably a vestige of infantile consciousness prior to the time when the infant begins to distinguish himself from his human and non-human environment; and he thinks that the oceanic feeling does not involve a strong enough need to be the source of all religious energy. That is, a person feeling the emotion has a sense of being continuous with the rest of the universe, but does not so much feel a drive toward something, as does, for example, Saint Augustine in feeling a restlessness which only a love for God can quiet (Augustine, Confessions, Book One, Chapter One). By contrast, the infant's need for protection in a dangerous and uncertain world, which continues into adulthood “permanently sustained by fear of the superior power of Fate” (p. 20), is strong enough to explain religion as a wish-fulfilling projection (illusion) of a divine Father who is both protective and demanding.-"

I find it fascinating that Freud would so quickly call this sort of faith in something superior such as a divine Father childish, or in his words "infantile." What's more, I am not in the least bit offended. After all it was Christ himself, and not Freud, who coined the term "faith like a little child."

In The Everlasting Man G.K. Chesterton says this concerning philosophers, "They cannot believe that religion is really not a pattern but a picture. Still less can they believe that it is a picture of something that really exists outside our minds." (Ch.6, p.136) There is something so illogical about this undeniable force that ties together all the universe that it is quite childish, and yet its truth is so absolute that it is found around the world by those who search for reality beyond what's "real."

In the words of the Apostle Paul, which I believe:
"-For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.
For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, "The righteous shall live by faith."
For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth.
For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them.
For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.
For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened.
Claiming to be wise, they became fools, and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.
Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.-" (Paul's epistle to the Romans, chapter 1, verses 16-25, ESV)

Through the veil of this world, or rather in it like some beautiful paradox one might expect from the Triune God, we can see reality. His reality, true reality, is clearly perceived in the things that He created. Perhaps that is why we feel a sense of eternity when we look at the stars, or wish to see ourselves and the world through God's eyes. Perhaps that is why beauty can move us to tears and love is able to touch our souls. Perhaps we all just need to look, not within to realize ourselves, and not up to realize ourselves, but around to realize Him. Then we will be able to see ourselves for who we are. This is my Reality.

The Real Me

I am Zachary Ryan Seven Sanchez, but that's just my name. At nineteen you wouldn't think my life could be all that complicated, but anyone who tries define themselves is suddenly faced with the daunting task of figuring out what it means to be you. Is it my experiences that make me? My roots? Something else?

Well let me say simply that I am a child of God, and that is the only definition that ever need be placed on me and my life. Though, I could also say I'm Scotch-Mexican American with British, Italian, Hispanic, and Jewish ancestry. I could say I'm a Christian, a Republican, a Moderate-Conservative, a College Student, and whatever other labels sociologists would place on me. I could tell you I'm a Poet, a Preacher, a Reader, a Writer, and a Blogger. I could tell you I've gone skiing, snowboarding, mountain biking, backpacking, rock climbing, swimming, jet skiing, and running. I could tell you I've been engaged and broke up and that I never kissed anyone all through high school. I could tell you I have a best friend named Zeb, six brothers and sisters, and nine nephews and nieces. I could tell you I work at a Walmart at night and go to school at CNM during the day. I could tell you anything I'd like to about me and while it'd all be true it wouldn't get to the true me.

The only thing that truly holds meaning in this life is love. That's not a cliche, or a romantic notion; it's the gritty truth. Have you ever wondered what it is that sets people apart from the rest of the world? It's love: true love. Not the familial affection that your dog shows you when you walk in the door, or even the physical affection of someone taking your hand and pulling you close. It's not even the brotherly affection shown when your good friend helps you get back on your feet after a hard time, or when they hold you up through that hard time. True love knows no bounds and indeed lives beyond condition. God is love. This is a simple truth that we've been handed down for thousands of years, and yet we don't understand what this means for us. When God breathed his Spirit into us to bring us to life he gave human kind the one thing that makes us in His image: love. It is love that makes your soul feel full and the lack of love that makes your soul starve for life.

So that is who I am: one loved by God. And if there is anything else that anyone would use to define me, let them do so knowing that a meaningless definition holds no weight to that which holds all meaning. I am Zachary Ryan Seven Sanchez, but that's just my name. Who I am is in the fullness of Christ. This is my Reality.