The Value of Purity

We take many things lightly that we should not. We joke about things that hurt us deeply. We laugh at things that make us angry. We dance to songs that make us sad. It’s part of human nature to take the deep, passionate reality of the things around us and dull them to a point where we feel like we are in control. We take the full experience of life and dull it down to a manageable sitcom.

Today I’m gong to talk about sex. I’m going to talk about sex, sexuality, pornography, masturbation and the like. It is not my intention to be shocking, but I have every intention of being genuine and face the reality that is around us.

I have heard the excuses for why sex outside of marriage is ok my whole life. You won’t impress me with some new view on the matter. Let’s break down every view into two, just for simplicity sake. One: it’s not that big of a deal. Two: how could you spend your life with someone that you haven’t had sex with yet? It’s too big a risk.

I’ll tell you, in person I have a lot of patience with people who have theses views. I’ve even listened to thoughts like these myself in the past. Without a person sitting in front of me, though, I have to say…these statements make me livid.

I want you to imagine something you’re passionate about. It could be your work or a hobby. It could be an organization, maybe your faith itself. Maybe it’s a school of thought or a movement. Now take this thing that you’re passionate about and imagine it as an oil painting. It’s a glorious masterpiece of a painting and anyone who looks at it should be filled with the passion that you feel when you see it. Now, someone hangs up a copy of your painting next to it. Only, the copy has been done with crayons on printer paper and looks like a small child did it halfheartedly. Someone puts price tags on the two paintings. They are the same price. When you ask why, completely outraged, the response you get is, “they’re the same thing.”

Now, I want to take a quick moment and paint a picture for you of the Biblical view of sex. Genesis 2:24 says that “the two will become one flesh.” It doesn’t take much interpreting to understand that this is talking about sex. I want us to focus, though, on the word, “one.” “The two will become one flesh.” There is another place in the Old Testament that uses that same Hebrew word for one: Deuteronomy 6:4. Now, most of us are familiar with Deuteronomy 6:5 as being the greatest commandment: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” The verse before this, though, verse 4, says, “Listen, children of God, The Lord, who is your God, the Lord is one.”

This is the ultimate sense of unity. This is union in the deepest, most intimate, personal sense possible. We look through scripture and we can see, such as in the book of Hosea and in Ephesians 5:32, that marriage, the union of a man and woman, is used time and time again as a metaphor for the relationship God has with his Church. When we look at this union in relation to God, back in Deuteronomy, we can see that this union demands love with our heart, our soul and our strength.

In this picture of Unity, sex becomes the prefect image of two people bonding, becoming as deeply and personally connected as possible with a love that involves their hearts, their very souls, as well as their passion. It is a heartbreakingly gorgeous picture.

Now take that picture, grab it and rip it right out of the frame. Take the crumpled image in your hand and toss it away and try to replace it with that cheap, crayon drawing, that you’re not even quite sure what it’s of.

I’ll tell you this: I’m not a romantic because hope for what rarely is. I’m a realist because I know how things should be, and I simply refuse to settle for a cheap copy.

Now the cheapening of sex starts WAY before getting under the sheets. It starts with the music you’re listening too. Did you know that almost all pornographic addiction is precipitated by frequently listening to sex-charged music? There is of course pornography itself, which is possibly the greatest cheapening of sex ever. We make out with and sleep with the people we’re dating, even in high school. There’re pregnant middle-school girls all over the state, for crying out loud! We lust after images on TV and in magazines. I ask you this: how do you claim to not understand homosexuality when you yourself struggle with vanity and connecting and being sought after by people of your same gender.

We are a blind, vacuous country that has so cheapened beauty that we cling and grasp onto shadows believing that they can lift us up and inspire us because we have no clue how incredible real beauty is. Masturbation, pornography, lewd behavior, sleeping around, self-love, homosexuality…all of it is normalized or even praised. Our ideas of human dignity, the value of purity, and the glory of sex within a God-blessed union are so depreciated we settle for fool’s gold. Proverbs 26:11 puts it poignantly: “As a dog returns to its vomit, so fools repeat their folly.”

So when you date, you can say that sexual purity is not a big deal and shortchange yourself. You can ask, “how do you know you want to marry someone if you haven’t had sex,” and you can shortchange that person. In either case you’ve cheapened your experience and each other. Or, you can choose to embrace the full, rich romance that God intended for you to experience. 1 Timothy 5 tells us to treat one another as brothers and sisters, “with absolute purity.” You owe it to each other, and you owe it to yourself to experience life and love with the passion and reverence it was intended to have.

Religion and Slavery

There’s something you hear every year, especially around Christmas time. Inevitably you’re going to come across someone who is going off about how Religion is spreading these lies with the intention of causing society to submit or conform to a certain behavior. The thing is, they’re not wrong. Think about it: Religion is believing that ritual begets results. Ritual is a set of actions ascribed for a particular purpose. What they are wrong about, is that Christianity has very little to do with Religion.

Let’s call Christianity the study, or worship, of Christ, and Science the study, or worship, of understanding. I think that’s fair; if you don’t, just bare with me, it’s just an example. In Science let’s say your ritual is the Scientific Method and by repeating this ritual you hope to come closer to understanding. In Christianity let’s say your ritual is meeting with the Church on Sunday and by repeating this ritual hope to come closer to Christ. I think we can say, yes, both of these have a religious precedence: they believe a ritual begets a result.

The Bible refers to Religion as The Law. No Jesus was a revolutionary in his day. His take on everything was so genuine and relatable, that people thought he was getting rid of the Law altogether. To the point that he had to clarify, saying, “Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them.” Jesus, and therefore Christianity, was not about Religion, but about Relationships. How do I know? In Romans 13 we read “Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.” The whole purpose of the Law, the whole purpose of all the Religion in the Bible, is to point to the one person who could fulfill the Law, who could take Religion out of the picture by doing what the ritual hoped to do permanently. He broke down the barriers. We’re told in Scripture that, when Christ died, the curtain that separated the Holy of Holies from the people, the separation between the presence of God and all of us, was torn. He fulfilled the law, did all that the religion hoped to do, and removed the separation between Himself and us. Love is the fulfillment of the law. It defeats Religion. “No greater love has any man than this: that he lay down his life for a friend.”

Religion is the greatest lie the Devil has ever created. Anything that says that you have to do something in order to connect to your Salvation…it’s just a guilt trip that beats you down and causes you to submit to an idea. Love frees you. It allows you to be messed up and still be saved. I love Christmas. I love how commercialized it is, even. Thousands of people singing worship songs and wishing for peace on earth and goodwill toward men…yeah I like that. It should never be called a Religious holiday, though. Jesus coming to earth as a baby is the greatest symbol of the Relationship…love overcoming Religion…ritual.

If you don’t feel loved, if you feel judged, if you feel like you can’t make a mistake or be honest about the mistakes you’ve made, if you’re frustrated with life, or with God, or with yourself, come to church. You won’t find Religion, except to give us a little organization. I think we can agree that some organization is good. You’ll find love, and relationships, and a bunch of messed people who just want to love you and accept you for who you are in the same way that they were accepted.

Dream December 2013

I had the craziest dream the other night. The strangest part is that I almost never remember my dreams, but I can’t get this one out of my head. In my dream, I was walking down a road, intent on getting to my destination. I looked up and I saw a bird walking on the road towards me. The bird was all black and had a long, large beak. On top of the bird was a cap, one that a laborer would wear. I knew I would have to confront this bird to continue on my way and so I began to fight with the bird. I knocked the hat off and then realized that the bird was suddenly much darker and much bigger. Though I was intimidated, I attacked again. It was then that the bird suddenly was three vibrant colors, in stripes. I was more terrified of this bird than of anything else, and I backed away a few paces. Then, I stood my ground and began to wrestle with this bird also. In the midst of our struggle, the bird turned into a vixen. The vixen was ferocious and attacked me without hesitation or forethought. It knocked me off the road and we fought violently until I knocked it back onto the road. It bit me several times and I saw my hand was caught in its jaws when it became an overweight basset hound, lying on the road. I was comfortable and unafraid of this dog and I did not bother to remove my hand from its teeth knowing that it wouldn’t bite me. I sat down beside it and I did not fight. Then, I woke up.

I didn’t think too much of it until the next night. I was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, but could not get the dream out of my head. Finally, out of frustration with the stupid dream, I prayed for understanding of what the dream meant. Immediately, the dream replayed itself in my head, but I understood every part.

The first bird with the hat was work, hobbies and side-projects, which I bury myself under convincing myself that I’m too busy to follow my purpose.

The larger black bird was shame and depression, which intimidates me from moving forward with my life.

The colorful bird was my passion and desire for romance. Though I’m terrified by romantic relationships, I become enraptured by the beautiful idea of romance and even become backtracked by it.

The vixen was my self-destructive nature. Lust, anger and pride have led me off the path altogether and nearly killed me.

The dog is my complacency. I become so comfortable with it that I am overcome by inaction and don’t even think to fight it. It doesn’t seem like it’s a threat and so this, after everything else, becomes my undoing.

Dreams are weird. Interpreting them is weirder. However, there is a clear Biblical precedence for dreams and sharing them when interpreted, so there you go. Maybe it will encourage you like it has me.

Movement and Hypocrisy

I thought I’d take some time to catch up with everyone. The past few weeks have been pretty crazy, but very good. In the midst of the car repairs, moving, catching up in reading and falling behind again, I’ve had the chance to have some really good conversations with a few friends. So, I wanted to take some time just to talk, not to preach or teach on anything, but just to say some things that have been on my heart.

Those of you who have known me for a long time know that I have a terrible fear of failing people. It causes me to stop and not do anything many times. I become paralyzed. Other times that same fear causes me to become so overwhelmed with guilt and shame that it leads to deep, deep depressions. The past few weeks, I’ve felt both impulses come upon me, but thanks to a strong network of friends and family, I kept moving.

There are two phrases that I love to quote together. The first is by J.R.R. Tolkien: Not all who wander are lost. The second, which some ascribe to Cato, is: He who hesitates is lost. The point is to never stop moving. Depression wins when we stop doing things. We don’t have to know where we are going or even where we are. All you need to know is who you are. Look at what makes you who you are and do those things. When you feel lost or immobilized, you only need to further define yourself. Above all, if you are well defined in yourself, you will never stop becoming that person. The Bible says it one way: He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. You don’t have to be complete yet. You don’t even have to know who are yet. You just need to know what defines you.

The first thing has to be Christ. If your spiritual life isn’t defined, there’s just know way you can have your emotional and physical self defined. I’m not talking metaphysics and existentialism here…well maybe I am actually, but it’s really not that deep or complicated. What I’m saying is, when you have a purpose, you’re never lost. And so long as you’re looking for that purpose, even if you don’t know what it is yet, you’re always closer to fulfilling it. Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

I know hypocrite gets thrown around in topics like this. Let me be clear. I am a hypocrite. I have been known to say, Do what I do, just like Paul in the Bible. But, I’m also quoting Paul when I say, What I want to do, I do not do, but what I do not want to, this I keep on doing. Like Paul I am the chief among sinners. But the mistakes I’ve made and the mistakes I make do not make the message I talk about any less true. If anything, every time I stumble and fall and I’m brought back to life in Christ, the message becomes even more true in me. The more I make mistakes and experience forgiveness and redemption and a guilt-free, purpose-filled life, the more I want to talk about it.  When it comes to being a sinner, there’s a very good chance that I’m much worse than you. I’m not proud of that. But I’m proud that I no longer let my mistakes weigh me down. I owe that to the Jesus that showed acceptance to the Christians that showed acceptance to me, and it is that acceptance that I hope you feel from me and from Reality in Albuquerque. We’re not here to judge you: just to give you hope. 

Love and Relationships

Most of us view love and relationships in an entirely different light than what is painted in the Bible. Because of this, we are content with broken relationships and believe that love can fade and die. This is not the picture we get from the Bible. The purpose of this study is to bring us to an understanding of Biblical relationships, romantic and otherwise.

Now all of us either came from a broken home or know someone close to you who did. It has become the norm. We expect relationships to fail. That is now the average. We expect people to hurt each other and put themselves before each other. This is normal.

I’ve seen families not talk to each other for decades because of a single fight. I’ve seen couples get divorced because they “fell out of love” as if it were some tree they’d been taking a nap in. I’ve seen friends hate each other because of a political disagreement. I have cheated and I have been cheated. I have hurt and I have been hurt. The world will tell us that this is normal. Expect it! Accept it! But thankfully, there is something not of this world that says, Forget it!

At the center of every relationship there is something that I like to call our “love definition.” What I mean is this: When we begin a relationship with someone, whether a buddy, a sibling, a coworker, or a date, we have already decided what kind of love, or meaning, we will ascribe to this person. Some of us categorize this into different types, and some of us simply have a scale of how much someone means to us.  It really doesn’t matter how you do it, just that you have some idea in your head of how you do this.

Traditionally, we in Christian circles, use a category system vs. a scale system when it comes to love. In this system, there are four different loves: familial, brotherly, romantic, and unconditional. We’ll be touching on the different types from time to time, but for now, we’re just going to focus on how love affects our relationships.

The main difference that should be made clear, right from the beginning, between Christian love and worldly love is that in one it does not pass away and in the other it seems to be completely ephemeral.

“Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.”

1 John 2:15-17

When we love the wrong things, we begin to have the wrong outlook on love. We love the temporary, so our love becomes temporary. Back in February, we did a study on Love. I encourage you to go back and watch it if you have not. One of the things that we talked about is that love and meaning are intricately intertwined. We put meaning into the things we love. I want to go deeper than that, though. To truly understand love, we have to understand where love comes from. When we understand the origin of love, we will be able to better understand the meaning that comes from love.

“Dear friends, let us love one another. For love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.”

1 John 4:7-12

I want to share something from the younger, wiser me. When I was in middle school, I once made the statement, “loving someone is seeing them through God’s eyes.” I think that I was on to something there. Throughout this study, we will be talking about love in families, in friendships, in the single life, and in romance. The guideline for love will remain the same, though. It has to come from Christ.

Most of the people who were interested in this study were looking for some answers on their romantic life, so we will be focusing on that here in the first few weeks. But almost all of it can apply to other areas of life, so I don’t want you to be put off if you’re not interested in the romantic side.

So we see, so far, that love is a constant. It doesn’t pass away, and that love comes from God. And when we love each other, we get a glimpse of God. So I want to put this in a different life. This is something I wrote for a girl a long time ago, and every word of it is true, truer than I probably knew at the time. And just be easy on the poor, younger me. I wasn’t

“For me to say I love is only to say the Jesus has loved first. But yet, I do say that I love you. I hold no pretense that this is my own love which I give you, but I know, in fact, that when I say I love you, what I mean is that Jesus loves you, and out of obedience to that silent, demanding call I must in turn love you so. For, mine is a world of love, a place where the sun sets and rises at the same time, and all reflections are gone. Look through me then, and see my love, my Jesus, and know that I lie not. I love you.”

I know it’s corny, and I’m not totally confident putting that on there, but I wrote it back in high school and I used to talk like that apparently. But you get the idea: God needs to be in and around every relationship and it will be filled with love. He needs to be the love that we show and receive from each other. We’re just scratching the surface, but we’re going to be continuing this study for, I hope, a long time. So what are your thoughts?

For Americans there is a constant question put in front of you your whole life: who are you going to marry? This question tends to cost more stress and confusion in a persons life that, perhaps, any other. So we’re going to take a look at what the Bible says about this question today. This study is geared towards single and dating people, but you married couples will definitely get something out of it too.

I want to set the tone for this topic right from the beginning. One of the things engrained into me from a very young age was that God brings you the person who is right for you. I never had a problem with that. What took me a while to realize, and to wrap my head around was this: God does not bring two people together to bring them closer to each other, but to bring them closer to Himself.

Now, we will get into topics of divorce, heartbreaks, infidelity, and all sorts of sordid things in upcoming sessions. Today, though, I want to try and paint a picture, from Scripture, of what this idea would look like.

I heard a story, once, of a pastor who had a very beautiful description of how he met his wife. This pastor said that when he was younger he had set his eyes on God and was running, full-force, towards Him. One day, he looked over to his side and saw a woman running just as fast and just as hard in the same direction, so they joined hands and kept running.

So we have an idea in our heads now. That’s cool, but how to we come to this point. This first step is to have a right idea of marriage. Marriage is encouraged from the beginning. Genesis 2:24 says “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

However, this does not mean that we are all supposed to marry, nor that this should be our goal. Paul says, in 1 Corinthians:

“It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.” (1 Cor. 7:1b-2)

When we are able to remain unmarried, we are able to do more. God wants us to be able to do everything we could ever want. But sometimes, he brings us a helper, to partner with us in our life’s work.

This sounds old fashioned to us because it is. It should not be, though. There is a reason and a design behind marriage and relationships that we need to honor. The reason we feel so unfulfilled out of relationships and so frustrated in them is that we don’t follow God’s guidelines for success!

Now, this starts way before marriage.  In first Timothy five we read: “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.”

Let me tell you something: Abstinence is sexy. Hashtag that.

1 Corinthians 13

Agape love.

“A new command I give you: love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this they will know that you are my disciples: by how you love one another.”

John 13:34-35

“No greater love has any man than this: that he lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13