Hearing God's Voice

There are two people searching for God’s voice: those who have never heard it, and those who have forgotten the sound of it.

The most terrifying thing about speaking to God is He might answer. The second most terrifying is He might not. I have known numerous people to use one or both of these as an excuse to not seek Him out.

There are so many times in a Christian’s life when we wonder about the voice of God. How are we supposed to hear it? Why, if we have the same Holy Spirit as the prophets, do we not hear the thunderous voice from the sky and clouds? Is He even there? Were they literally just hearing thunder in clouds back in the Bible and everyone was high from fasting? Is it a lack of faith on our parts that inhibits us from hearing the voice of God?

In my own life, finding Him came from desperate desire to prove Him wrong. After a year of research, trying to disprove the Bible and God, I finally came to a place where I didn’t care if He answered or not. I just had to let down my carefully constructed defenses and let come what may.

I speak to God on the daily, and, yes, He speaks to me too. God loves to have conversations. Everything from the beginning of creation to the day we are reunited with Him has been put together so that we can have community with Him. So, either I am crazy, or those who think I am crazy are missing out on something I can only describe as incredible.

It’s ok to feel lost and alone. It does not make you weak. It does not make your faith weak. It does not mean that you are abandoned.

In 1 Kings 18, Elijah calls fire down from heaven in front of hundreds of people. In the very next chapter, while fleeing for his life, he falls into such a deep depression that he won’t get up and wants to die.

The first step of discovering God’s voice is seeking Him. The second is waiting for His response.

“The LORD said, ‘Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by.’
Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.” (1 Kin. 19:11-13)

Elijah knew how to discern the presence of God. Most of us would assume that some sort of tornado, or an earthquake, or a fire would definitely be God speaking to us, but God spoke to Elijah in a gentle whisper.

"The reign of God cannot rain on you while you are on the throne." -Ernest Gentile

Seeking God takes humility. It requires admitting that we do not have everything together and we are desperate for something more. Humbling ourselves is hard.

Waiting for God’s voice is also difficult. It means surrendering control.

“He says, ‘Be still, and know that I am God;’” (Psalm 46:10a)

“Be still,” in this verse comes from the Hebrew “rapha,” which means to be weak, to let go, or to release.

Just as God can only meet with a humbled heart, He can only speak to a surrendered heart. I believe this is the reason it seems so often that God is trying to break us.

So what are we supposed to take from that? It seems like God wants us to be these broken, crawling things in a constant state of groveling and austerity. That would totally suck. But, thank God, that’s not at all what He’s going for. Paul understood this well and, I think, painted a very helpful picture for us.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor. 12:9-10)

It’s not that we need to be sadists. Let’s get real: God wants us to have perfect joy (John 15:11). The point of all of this is that it’s not on us: it’s on Him. If we are in full surrender, then He can take full control, and then we can be fully happy.

God’s will for us has already been spoken. If we can become familiar with the character and will of God in Scripture, we will easily recognize Him at work in our own lives. Obedience to His commands leads to understanding his voice.

If you want to know God’s voice, read His word.

If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your well-being like the waves of the sea. (Isaiah 48:18)

There is an idea Buddhism called Nirvana, which literally means to “turn out the light.” It revolves around a complete dissociation from “reality.” Like all Dharmic religions, Buddhism has the belief that everything on this world is merely an illusion and the true enlightenment, Nirvana in Buddhism, will allow us to join with "the unity" and even leave the illusion of self behind.

There is a similar idea when it comes to God, in the sense that all life, all love, and all truth comes from him.

“In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.” (John 1:4)

The huge difference is that we, through our submission to God, turn the light on, not off.

We’ll hear God’s voice when we surrender completely into Him. We’ll hear it in the laughter, in a tear, in the quite moments. We’ll know his gentle whisper even after the winds and earthquakes and fires, and we may even hear it loud as thunder if we dare enter the cloud of his presence. For now, though, we surrender everything to him. We let go, we collapse, we fall…we truly fall in love: we fall into Him.

And here is the simplest and most difficult instruction that I will ever give: let go, be weak, and give up. You are lost. Let God take over.

Discussion points:

What is going on in your life that God seems to be silent about? Have you searched the Scriptures for insight into your situation?

Sometimes God can be screaming at us and we don’t recognize it because we are unfamiliar with His voice. Begin living out your life in obedience to what you already know He’s said, and see if you don’t start noticing how He’s been speaking into your life this whole time.

Humility is hard. Surrender is hard. Peace is easy. How can we help each other with the hard parts?

Modesty

Have you ever seen those guys who sag their pants super low? I love watching them try to run. They hold their waistband in one hand while the other hand flails around in what I imagine is an attempt to keep balance. Feet are kicked high in front of them with each step - an attempt to keep their pants from falling further - as they move in their cartoon-esque scamper.

Certainly you've seen those girls who cake on eyeliner and lipstick so much so that, while their daily wear leaves no room for imagining their naked breasts, you wonder if you’d recognize their naked face.

Immodesty can be pretty hilarious. I’ve seen people walk straight into walls while taking selfies. I’ve seen guys strut through a gym shirtless, oblivious of the disgusted looks on the faces of the girls they were trying to impress.

It can be pretty depressing too. I’ve seen gorgeous girls dress like prostitutes and revel in being treated as sex objects. I’ve seen a guy spend his entire savings on new car rims and have nothing left to buy his daughter a birthday present. We are all obsessed with appearance. But when does purposeful appearance cross into pride?

When I was little, we used to make fun of kids who tucked in their shirts and wore belts. Today, if my shirt is not tucked in, I have an undershirt that is and leaving my house without a belt on is more traumatic for me than leaving my house without a phone. Now, believe me, I have no fashion sense. My reasons for dressing the way I do, though, have changed. As a child I wanted people to like me. Today I want people to respect me. As a child I valued attention. Today I value functionality.

I’m certainly not saying you should follow my example in how to dress. I can’t drawl a magic line for you and say, “This is where one crosses over into immodesty.” If you were hoping for such guidelines, I apologize. My aim is only that you consider your intention.

The issue with immodesty lies in whether or not people can distinguish between attractive and sexually attractive. When beautiful is equated with sexy our whole view of romance becomes grossly mucked up.

Middle school girls run around teasing guys sexually because they think that it’s fun. It’s also what they see on TV and from the adults around them. These same boys are learning from TV and from the adults around them that, if they’re teased, any response, even violent, is justified. Girls use their bodies as a weapon or at the least as a tool, not as delicate temples. Guys view girls as something to be conquered, not protected.

Somehow gender equality, which is a great ideal spoken of often in the New Testament, has lost in its movement the value of gender roles. What used to define chivalry now defines a pretentiousness. What used to define smut now defines elegance. Definitions are truly fragile things.

Merriam-Webster defines modesty as, "Freedom from conceit or vanity." Forget whatever you've thought of modesty up to right now and make that your definition.

If modesty is freedom from conceit or vanity then we must conclude that immodesty is captivity to conceit or vanity.

So here is Seven's practical definition of modesty: Take pride in your appearance (consider how it may effect others) while not being prideful of your appearance (seeking selfish attentions).

Consider HOW others may look at you:
Do everything for God’s glory. Cause no one to stumble. (1 Cor. 10:31-32) We have a responsibility to keep ourselves from even the appearance of evil. (1 Thess. 5:22)

Consider WHY others may look at you:
Do not conform the the world. Do not think too highly of yourself. (Rom. 12:2-3) Our attention should not be on ourselves, but on others. (1 Cor. 10:24)

It’s not so much a balancing act as it is a realization that it’s not all about you and me. We are second to God.

How do we fit in with society and how do we express ourselves if we have to dress like nuns and monks? Well, make up your mind. Do you want to blend in or stand out? Do you want to shock the world with conviction or shock the world with provocation? As with anything worth considering, we should look at the purpose of modesty.

Provocative attire is mean to stimulate a reaction. Scanty attire is mean to arouse a sexual response. Vain attire is meant to garner the attention of others and conceited attire is meant to garner the envy of others. Modest attire is meant to put the focus above ourselves.

Look at what you are wearing right now. Does it say, "I don't care about what other people think of me?" That is conceited. You are believing yourself to be above the review of others. Does it say, "Look at me, pay attention to be, want to be like me?" That is vanity. You are believing that the review of others is of some vital importance.

Freedom from vanity and conceit lies in understanding that neither your opinions nor the opinions of others are all-important. Neither are they unimportant.

I can’t tell you where to drawl the line. I encourage you to pray and ask God for guidance and conviction. I also encourage you to set yourself under the authority of an older brother or sister (same gender as yourself) and commit yourself to submitting to their guidance in this area.

Live for more than yourself. True love is found when intention is raised above petty desire.

Discussion points:

Have you ever been distracted by someone’s appearance? When does individuality cross over to vanity?

Unless you are someone’s mentor or parent, this is not an area you should call others out on. Instead look at yourself. Maybe where others wear too little clothing or forget belts you wear too much jewelry or overdo the cologne. It’s not for me to say. Where is your intention?

I cover up my tattoos in many public situations. Part of the joy in freedom from conceit is that I find more fulfillment in not distracting from God’s message than I do in expressing my inked-on Jesus pride. Are you free enough to put yourself second?

Don’t consider your appearance for yourself. Don’t even consider your appearance for your spouse or future spouse. Consider your appearance as a prince or princess of heaven. How would representatives of God present themselves?

Choose Joy

Viktor E. Frankl M.D., Ph.D. was a neurologist, psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor. He wrote several books during his lifetime, but after looking at his life, I came away with one striking discovery: happiness is a decision made, not a circumstance experienced.

Look at one instance in your day and consider for a moment how much control you have over your circumstances. Driving to work, as one example, you will likely pass hundreds, if not thousands, of other drivers. Odds are, several of them will have drunk, smoked or injected an intoxicant before getting in their cars that day. Many of them haven’t slept in 20 or more hours. Those odds increase dramatically if it’s the weekend.

Let’s say you have a fantastic day and none of these other drivers kill you. Nonetheless, your car breaks down. As it turns out, what you thought was a small oil leak was actually huge and you just blew your engine. You manage to convince the tow truck drivers to take you to a repair shop on the other side of town, closer to where you live. After dropping off your car, you step outside to call a friend to pick you up and they lock the doors behind you because it’s closing time. You look at your phone and it’s dead. You look back at the shop and everyone’s left. You’re six miles from home.

Honestly, it wasn’t a bad walk. That happened to me a couple of years ago. In fact, despite wearing my usual cowboy boots, I found myself enjoying the walk. My sister happened to see me when she was driving to pick up her husband; so, I only made it a few miles before getting a ride. Not too bad.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.” -Viktor E. Frankl

Most things in life we have no control over. We have little choice over whom we see throughout the day and no choice over what they say or do. No one person, thing or circumstance can give us happiness. Neither can they take happiness away from us.

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” -Viktor E. Frankl

Many of us spend a large portion of our lives seeking out that one thing or person that will give us happiness. Something that will "complete us." The only hole that we have inside of us is a Spiritual one. But, even with that filled, happiness comes only from our own attitude. We cannot always choose what our eyes see. Our outlook, though, is where we choose to focus.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” -Viktor E. Frankl

Whatever situation we face, we have a choice between two realities. One reality that sees everything that is and could possibly be wrong and one that sees everything that is and could possibly be right. If you choose to look at what's wrong, or maybe just a piece of what's right, you are cheating yourself out of happiness.

How do we choose joy? Well, thank God the Bible is nothing if not practical.

1. Pray
God is not dead, nor is He deaf! How many times have you asked God for an answer, and then not listened for the answer? Freedom from anxiety comes from continued communication with an omniscient God. (1 Thes. 16:18, Phil. 6:6)

2. Give thanks
Christ gave His life for our lives. How often do we say we want joy, but fail to look for it? Giving thanks in every circumstance is an integral part of discovering the joy therein. Especially knowing that our hope lies in Christ. (1 Thes. 16:18, Ps. 28:7, Phil. 4:6, Rom. 12:12)

3. Be patient
God has been infinitely patient with us. Look at how long it took you to get to where you are today from where you were three years ago. Time is God’s creation. Trust Him to use it to our advantage. (Rom. 12:12)

4. Trust God
God has fulfilled every promise and every prophecy up until today. He is unchanging. Believe in His promises and, by His Spirit, our hope will abound. (Ps. 28:7, Rom. 15:13)

5. Seek God’s presence
God is here. Learn to rest in Him. He strengthens and protects us when we allow Him to. When our mind is fixed on him, it becomes fixed in peace. (Ps 16:11, Ps. 28:7, Phil. 4:7, Isa. 26:3, Rom. 15:13)

6. Give everything to God
God cares about you. Everyone should do what he or she can. When you can change something, change it. But when you cannot, give it up. Give it up to God and let Him take care of it. (1 Pet. 5:7, 1 Thes. 16:18, Ps. 28:7, Phil. 4:6)

Sometimes praying is the only thing you can do. It’s always the best thing you can do.

All things considered, my life incredibly blessed. That doesn’t mean there aren’t times when I choose to focus on the negative. But knowing that happiness is one choice away, is an incredibly liberating feeling. Choose joy.

Discussion points:

What things in your life are the hardest to find joy in? What difference is there in the people who do find joy in those things? What choices are they making that you could?

I often sing and dance while at work, not because work is so incredible that I just can’t keep it in, but because I enjoy singing and dancing and bringing those things into work makes it more enjoyable. What things that bring you joy can you bring to the things that don’t?

Viktor Frankl’s family died in the ovens of he holocaust. He chose joy in the midst of unimaginable suffering. What is our excuse when we choose complaining, strife and sadness?

Hope in the Horror

I’ve seen the eyes of my friends who have come back from war. In moments, when they don’t think you’re looking, and their eyes glaze over. Without warning, they are not seeing what they are looking at; they are seeing the ghosts. Something Joseph Conrad once penned, “The horror.”

I’ve seen enough of “it” - hatred and violence - to violently hate “it.” I don’t pretend to understand what my friends have been through. But I abhor understanding when I see that same look in a child’s eyes. When you ask them how they are and they laugh, but their eyes betray the fear from their past - whether years or hours ago doesn’t matter - , and you want in one moment to hold them and keep them safe and to pummel everyone even remotely responsible for letting them hurt.

3,000 years ago Jews who had forsaken their God were sacrificing thousands of their own children in the hills around Jerusalem for good fortune. 2,000 years ago Roman and Greek parents threw untold thousands of unwanted children into rivers to convenience their lives. 1,000 years ago 200,000 were killed in a single battle during the Crusades. 370 years ago 800,000 residents of Yangzhou were executed. 120 years ago 300,000 Armenians were killed across the Ottoman Empire. 80 years ago more than 300,000 died in the Nanking Massacre. 70 years ago 11,000,000 were killed in the Holocaust. 21 years ago 22,000 died in the “Ethnic Cleansing of Georgians.” 2 years ago over 3,000 people died in Cairo in the Rabaa killings. In 2012 state agencies estimated 686,000 victims of child abuse here in the U.S.

Those numbers are nauseating. That is just a handful of events and the global scale is incomprehensible. Evil - the horrors of darkness - is everywhere, and it’s not getting better.

So, what does this have to do with a series on joy?

Some time around 400AD a 15-year-old Roman noble was kidnapped from his home in Britain and taken across the sea where he was sold as a salve to cannibalistic people then known as the Scotti. He later escaped and, after training in Rome for several years, returned to the country, known today as Ireland, in hopes of saving the souls of the people there. His name was Patricius and today we call him St. Patrick.

At the end of his life, he stated that his joy was in ministering to the people of Ireland. He refused the gifts offered to him during his ministry. He endured ridicule from his peers over his lack of education. He suffered greatly at the hands of the Irish, even to the point of being enslaved again. Yet he spoke frequently of joy in his final letter.

Look at the words of James the brother of Jesus:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do." (James 1:2-8 NIV)

Here James gives us 4 pieces of practical advice for Joy in the face of adversity:

1. Know that the testing of you faith produces perseverance: There is a reason for what is happening
2. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete: This too is a part of sanctification
3. Ask God for wisdom and it will be given: He does not consider your faults when giving understanding
4. Believe and do not doubt: Doubting results in instability and your circumstances will beat you like a stormy sea

In my own life, I can look at any trial and see, within three years, what I needed that perseverance to ready myself for. I could list every trial in my life and tell you how getting through it made me a better Christian. I can confidently say that every time I’ve asked God to show me why He was allowing something in my life, He revealed an answer to me within a year. Every time I’ve doubted God to give me wisdom and bring me through the storm, I found myself sinking and panicking, like Peter when he walked on water. (Mat. 14:30)

Our inability creates a reliance on God’s ability that results in full capability. (2 Cor. 12:9-10)
God is invested in you; He is not abandoning you. (Phil. 1:6)
If we believe, God will give us whatever we ask in prayer. (Mat. 7:7; 21:22)
If we do not doubt, we will move mountains. (Mat. 21:21; Mar. 11:23; Luke 17:6)

Do not be afraid to pray, as the father in Mark 9 prayed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

Discussion Points:

Read Mark 9:14-29. What roles do belief and prayer play in overcoming the demon? What impact the prayer have on belief?

Understanding that God works everything together for the good of those who love Him and keep Him commandments does not make the bad things any less bad. Are bad circumstances necessarily bad for us? What spiritual conditioning comes from, say, losing a pet as a child?

Some of the most impactful men and women in the world have come from abusive homes. When bad things happen to good people, are they still bad things if they result in those people receiving a greater good later? I don’t believe there is an answer to this, but consider a time in your life when you went through something uncomfortable and later found you were stronger or better because of it.

What can we do, as Christians, to bring hope to the hopeless?

Struggle

About three or four years ago, I was standing in line at a Wal-Mart at around 2am. The cashier was in full autopilot when she stopped, looked again at what she had just bagged and then gave me a look that was simultaneously inquisitive and incredibly judgmental.

She asked me, "So, do you see a cause and effect problem here?"
She had just rung up two bottles, one of sleep aids, the other of caffeine pills. I smirked, shrugged and pretended to brush her comment off.

The truth was that I was heavily addicted to caffeine at the time. If I did not have at least four of those caffeine pills every day, I suffered debilitating migraines. The sleep aids, therefore, were the only way I could get to sleep at the end of the day.

God be praised, that cashier's words in my head became nearly as annoying as the migraines. I never finished either of those bottles. The resultant migraines were so painful that coworkers would often see me crying at my desk and I would blame it on allergies. The freedom I have now is so sweet, though, that the pain seems minuscule in comparison.

If Joy involves Peace and Peace begets Rest, then Americans are in deep trouble. We have a tendency, when we require spiritual rest, to either prop ourselves up with superficial stimulants like work or socializing or seek out artificial refreshments through substances or little mini vacations. We think we can escape our mistakes.

We hate the idea that we can’t function on our own. We also hate to admit when we are wrong. Here’s the truth: “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” (Prov. 28:13)

There is nothing more frustrating then watching someone you love hurt themself. God must deal with that in us every single day. In Jeremiah, God pleaded with Israel, over and over, to stop doing what they were. He warned them again and again to turn back from their destructive path. They offered only lip service in response, though.

Imagine someone walking towards a cliff. You’ve tried to convince them that they’re going to fall off, and they said they believe you, but they keep walking. So you yell at them, “If you are going to turn back, then turn back! Stop walking that way!” and they respond, “I will. I promise.”

You beg, “Stop saying you’re going to do and actually do it. I don’t care about your promises.” Then, they start slipping off the side. Finally, you tell them, “Reach back for me and grab my hand and I’ll pull you up.” But they don’t. As they start to fall and realize what they’ve done the reach for you, but you hand is already stretched out and they’ve long past being able to grab it. They ask you, “Why did you let this happen to me?” And you respond, with tears in your eyes, “You did this to yourself. I am so sorry.”

That’s the scene we come across in Jeremiah chapter 4. It is as frustrating for God to see this as it is for us to see it. When you see this happen, warn people, but do not allow yourself to be pulled off the cliff with them. (Jer. 15:19)

God will expose the shortcomings, the sin, in our lives. (Eph. 5:13) Our response, when these are revealed to us, should be to acknowledge the sin. We don’t cover them up. When we admit to our failures and confess our mistakes, God forgives us and restores us. (Ps. 32:5; 1 Jo. 1:9)

There will be consequences. I won’t lie to you. A wise person, though, listens to reproof and accepts discipline. God only offers these things to the person He loves; just like a father disciplines the son he loves. (Prov. 19:20; 3:11-12)

Admit your failures, confess your mistakes, and accept your consequences. Joy will result.

I admitted that I had a problem. I told people who held me accountable to getting better. It was really painful to get over. I am so much happier and unhampered in my life now because I went through that.

Your struggle may be with bitterness, anger, lust, hurt, shutting people out, or…well you know what it is. I don’t have to tell you. Admit it and tell someone else, a bother or sister in Christ that can hold you accountable to getting better.

Discussion points:

Let this be an introspective idea. Don’t look for other people’s cliffs. What are you struggling with?

What’s the hardest part of this for you? Admitting to yourself, confessing to others, or dealing with the consequences?

Do you have people in your life that you can confess to? Where can you find them?

Is a little bit of pain worth the joy?

The Impact of Words

We have a hellishly skewed view of the impact of our words. All too often we make the excuse, "I didn't mean it." Some even say, "I may come off in such a way, but I'm really...." I think we'd all agree, it's time we stop B.S.ing ourselves. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not careful enough with what I say.

Words are taken far too lightly. Our words have the power of life and death. Salvation even comes from the belief of our heart and the confession of our MOUTHS! (Prov. 18:21; Rom. 10:9)

Why? Because what is in our hearts is made concrete and is brought to life by what comes out of our mouths. Your words direct the course of your life and even determine your character. Actions may speak louder, but words go as deep as swords both into our own hearts and the hearts of those around us. (Luke 6:45; James 3:6; Prov. 12:18)

Hurt people hurt people; forgiven people forgive people; loved people love people. The response of our mouths defines the condition of our hearts. (Prov. 15:1; Luke 7:47; 1 John 4:19)

One slip of the tongue, which we may not even notice, will take, on average, five positive interactions, related to that statement, to counteract. If someone is teased about their hair, for example, it usually takes at least five compliments about their hair, outfit, etc., before they stop thinking about it and become as content as they were previously; not encouraged, just back to neutral.

Be the light that pours joy out onto others and you will find your own joy to be overflowing. This is not a "karma" thing; this is a Spirit thing. "The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed." (Prov. 11:25)

Let's be clear on one thing: I'm not telling you to lie about what you are going through. Disciplining our tongues to be forgiving, loving, and encouraging does not mean that you cannot acknowledge circumstances and struggles. In fact, to be joyful and encouraging, it helps to not be burdened by something we might be holding in.

The uninhibited, unburdened life is found by either becoming one with the shadows or by living a life without shadows. In secrets and shadows there is shame because shadows are used for evil, but what is brought into the light becomes light and can only be used for good. When we confess our mistakes and our struggles to a brother or sister, we take all the potential harm from Satan and turn it into active good in Christ. (Eph. 5:13)

My prayer is that the Church be a community so filled with light that, when a repentant heart exposes the shadows of the past, those shadows are so absolutely eradicated they cannot be found in even the memories of the people there; that joy and love be found so overwhelming, that even the most pained heart finds itself afloat with hope.

I believe that you and I have the ability, and responsibility, to be transparent and not be jerks. It is possible for even the worst of arguments to begin, end, and consist of love. I wonder if I can convince young people that it is possible to communicate what is frustrating them without lashing out or tearing down. I wonder if I can convinced older people that kindness, and not guilt, leads us to repentance. I can't on my own.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." (Eph. 4:29-32)

Discussion points:

Words of life come from thankfulness. Being encouraging to others starts with praising God in your own storm. I have found that reading my Bible every day gives me the perspective I need to be thankful in all things. What helps you to do that?

What effect does/has gossip have/had on your life?

Think about who the encouraging people in your life are. Are those the people you are spending time with or are you spending time with those who will share in your bitterness and make excuses for your shame?

Would you rather spend your time making excuses for your mistakes or be free of the shame of your mistakes once and for all?

How can we encourage others to bring their shadows to light?

Choose one person every day this week to speak five words of life to throughout the day. Notice what impact it has on their life and also notice what impact it has on your own life.

Joy in Every Circumstance

I remember the funerals of three grandparents, one great-aunt, one cousin, three childhood friends, one co-worker and one nephew. I’ve been to more funerals, but those are the ten I remember most clearly. The causes of death included “old age,” cancer, drugs, and “birth defects.”

I used to hate funerals, and, to be fair, I do prefer a good wedding, but the former has become increasingly beautiful to me. After the death of his wife, C.S. Lewis wrote one of the most touching and revealing things I’ve ever read. “The pain now is part of the happiness then. That is the deal.”

I do believe that grief and tragedy are parts of understanding joy. Death teaches us a whole lot about living. Loss teaches us a whole lot about loving. I do not believe, though, that grief was meant to be without joy even in the moment. Joy is always the aim.

Joy is mentioned in the Bible well over 200 times. So, why does it seem so often out of our grasp? Would it be so hard for God to just make us joyful? Why can’t He just give us the answers and take away the pain? We give Him our lives when we become Christians; so, why do our lives not become more joyful?

Jesus said he came so that we can “have life more abundantly,” and he spoke so that his joy may be in us and our joy may be made full (John 10:10; John 15:11). Those are the promises. Where is the fulfillment?

When I picked up my brother on the morning my nephew died, he looked at me and forced a half-smile. He then said the most powerful words I have ever heard in my life. Words that to this day, six years later, I can’t remember without tearing up. He said, “I never knew I could love anyone so much. He could never give anything back and he took so much time and attention and care, but every moment I spent with him I fell so much more in love. Maybe it was because he couldn’t give anything back. I think I caught a little glimpse of how God loves us.”

That was the day I saw unconditional love in a portion of its glory. My three-month-old nephew taught me more about love in one moment, without saying a single word, than I can hope to learn in the rest of my life.

God’s love for me was so real in that moment that my heart was overflowing with thankfulness and I could not help but have hope for the future with Him. It was a moment of God-given joy birthed out of thankfulness and hope. These two attributes are not so elusive as their resultant joy.

Thankfulness comes from the perspective gained in prayer and fellowship with encouraging believers. Hope comes from knowing the past, both your own and the Bible, and learning to recognize and expect God’s faithfulness. Thankfulness is a decision made constantly. Hope is a discipline refined constantly. It takes having both consistently to experience joy.

If you struggle with hope and thankfulness, consider obedience. Have you ever wondered why a God so concerned with our joy gave us so many commands to live by? Consider Jesus’ words:

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.” - John15:9-12

Consider the possibility that obedience was not meant as a corral keeping us from freedom and happiness, but was actually designed as a conduit to experiencing joy. It is not always easy to have hope and thankfulness, but we need to find these for joy. We can always obediently thank God for who He is and what He’s done, obediently place our hope in Him by waiting on Him, and obediently show His love to those around us.

Joy is possible every day in every circumstance. As we walk closer and closer with the Lord, there comes a time when we have a harder time explaining why we have sadness than when we have joy. Our joy begins to overflow in every circumstance.

I have found joy, through thankfulness and hope in Christ, in my three-month-old nephew’s death, in my friend’s suicide, in my friends’ deaths from cancer, in being cheated on, in being let down and in letting down others. Joy is not a victim of circumstance. Joy is the reality of Christ’s presence in every circumstance.

Discussion points:

The Bible tells us a dozen different times not to confide with angry persons. Who are the encouraging people in your life? Who might you need to stop confiding in?

“Venting” is greatly encouraged in today’s society. However, Proverbs 29:11 calls people who vent “fools.” What does venting actually do? Are your friends who “vent” on Facebook more joyful than the people who, instead, seek the private counsel of an encouraging friend?

Find someone who has read his or her Bible every day for a long time. Ask them if they are hopeful and how they regain hope when it seems lost.

Find someone who prays constantly. Ask them if they are thankful and how they regain thankfulness when it seems lost.

Read through the Psalms this week. Notice how joy is found when it is lost. Can you find hope and thankfulness in each instance?

Searching for Hope

I was twelve-years-old the first time I thought about suicide. That was when I realized that knowing my parents’ religion was not the same as having my own faith. I spent the majority of that year reading graduate-level books in an attempt to disprove Christianity.

In truth, I was searching for hope; nonetheless, even after finding that hope in Christ, I continued to think about suicide almost every day for the next six years. I didn’t realize then that salvation was never supposed to be the end.

The worst part about discovering the reality of life in Christ was the inescapable awareness that I did not deserve it. Throughout those years I became acutely mindful that, every time my life took a couple of steps forward, it would immediately take a hundred steps backward. Every time I made a few positive choices to stabilize myself, I would make a mistake that derailed my entire life.

I never questioned my assurance of salvation. I knew Christ was in my life and that I was set apart to a heavenly purpose because of Him. The fact that I fell incredibly short of God’s perfection, though, was enormously clear. What was the point of putting off heaven when every second I spent on earth was another chance of me disgracing the One who died for me?

During those years, I had three different friends who struggled with suicide. I shared the hope of the Gospel with them and saw hope change their lives. I lead Bible studies at three different schools. I shared my testimony in Church and online. I read through the Bible multiple times and even carried my Bible with me everywhere throughout high school. I danced without restraint, sang out boisterously and fell on my hands and knees in honest and earnest worship. I prayed from my heart and I cursed my life and thanked God in the same breath. I did almost everything exactly right.

Here is what kept me down: I was too proud to be weak and I was ashamed of the Gospel. These two things made me, while a good student of the Word, a terrible disciple of the Word.

I was consumed with a thought echoed by Paul in Romans 7:15. “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

Constantly struggling with this, I realized I needed to give my weakness to Christ. I chose a life verse at thirteen-years-old that told me how to do that. It took five more years for me to understand it.

“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” – 1 Corinthians 12:9

At eighteen-years-old, I had recently broken off an engagement and was standing in a church service begging God to pull together the pieces of my directionless life. That morning the whole church felt the presence of God so powerfully that my pastor spontaneously threw out his sermon for the day and we sang and worshiped for almost a full two hours.

A half-hour into the service I grabbed my pastor’s shoulder and, with tears streaming down my face, smiled and told him, “I’m not depressed anymore. I don’t remember ever not being depressed. It’s gone.”

What changed after six years? I had become so desperate for the power of Christ in my life that I had become glad for my weaknesses. I finally saw my shortcomings as opportunities for God’s glory rather than obstacles in His path.

Not only difficulties and hardships in my life, but also my own mistakes and failures became reasons to rejoice! The reality of my wonderful situation hit me so hard in the face that I stood trembling before my Church unable to comprehend the freedom that I felt inside of me.

However, I was still ashamed of the power of salvation that had come to me until I was twenty-two. Just as thankless pride had kept be from being healed, so thankless shame kept me from healing others.

God uses us even at our absolute worst to see lives changed. I craved the respect of others more than I desired heaven’s authority. As a result, I allowed the fear of losing their respect keep me from shamelessly professing my faith.

In church, all I had to overcome was some stage fright. In truth, there was never anything too special about me sharing my testimony. I only shared the Gospel with friends when I was invited to. I had the nearly guaranteed respect of those I shared with.

The day I that being a disciple became more important to me than the respect of people was the day my faith came alive. The power that raised Christ from the dead not only lived in me but also flowed from me.

At nineteen I had gotten a tattoo that said, “To live is Christ To die is gain,” (Phil. 1:21) on my shoulder with an Ichthys in the middle. I was very proud of it, as I was proud of the fact that my faith gave me assurance of everlasting life. Somehow, though, I failed to realize what it meant that to live is Christ.

There is an old phrase used to describe discipleship as it was done in Jesus’ day. “May you walk so closely in the teacher’s footsteps that you are covered in his dust.” There is no self-respect that factors in. The only factor is how much my life and words reflect Christ.

This is still a work-in-progress for me. I have made really stupid mistakes even in the past year, but I have also seen God heal bodies and spirits through me. I have seen God prophesy directly into lives through me. I have seen God bring His lost children into a disciple-minded relationship with Him through me.

“To die is gain,” means eternal life. “To live is Christ,” means becoming more and more like Christ in this life. We both were made holy at one time and are being made so daily through Christ. (Heb. 10:10-14) God is not done with us.

“being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 1:6

From suicidal kid to empowered disciple, I love my life and where it’s taken me. Unashamed and humbled, I am alive in Christ.

Discussion points:

Christ’s last command to us on earth was to “make disciples of all nations” (Mat. 28:19). As Christians, I believe we should always have at least one person we are discipleing and one person discipleing us. Who can these be for you?

What are we holding on to that is not in our control? What are we not giving to God?

What situations make you ashamed of the Gospel? Peers at work or school? Family? How can we overcome that shame?

Hebrews 10 verse 10 says we have been made holy but in verse 14 it says we are being made holy. How is that Christ’s sacrifice made us holy and yet we are still being made holy? What does sanctification (being made holy) mean?

What does, “to live is Christ,” mean to you?

Whom Will You Marry?

There is a constant question put in front of us from childhood: Whom will you marry? This question tends to cost more stress and confusion in a person's life than, perhaps, any other.

Something engrained into me from a very young age was that God brings you the person who is right for you. I never had a problem with that. What took me a while to realize, and to wrap my head around was this:

God does not bring two people together to bring them closer to each other, but to bring them closer to Himself.

There’s an idea of “soulmates” that dates all the way back to Plato. In The Symposium we find this idea that people are really half-souls. We were torn apart and long for the other half of our souls. The idea was that, when we found our soulmate, there would be an unspoken understanding of each other and that, when we had sex with each other, it would be the best feeling in the world.

Hopefully you can see how this idea still permeates society. Imagine the problems that would ensue if, when someone stops feeling ecstatic about their spouse, they decide that their spouse must not be their soulmate; therefore, it almost becomes their duty to leave them. As ridiculous as I hope that sounds, that is exactly how much of society views love and relationships today.

Let me be clear. God is not bringing you someone to complete you. Nor are you going to complete someone else. We are made whole by Christ alone. He is all that is missing from our lives. (2 Cor. 5:17)

God brings together two whole individuals, who have each been set apart and appointed for His purpose.

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb. Before you were born I set you apart and appointed you as my prophet to the nations.” (Jer. 1:5)

Marriage is a beautiful thing as it is the example of our very relationship with Christ. Marriage, however, is not a command. Marriage is not something to be pushed on people. Marriage is not something to be taken lightly.

Paul even said, “It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.” (1 Cor. 7:1b-2)

He’s not saying there that marriage is some kind of last-resort for the lusty. He is saying, though, that being single is a good thing.

When we are single our one and only calling is to serve God by serving others. When we gain a family, though, our calling becomes serving God by responsibly caring for our families and serving others. We are unable to responsibly commit everything to serving God and the lost.

Again, please don’t misunderstand. I love families. I would very much like to meet a God-fearing woman who is proud of her parents, brags about her friends, reads books, is understanding of my tendency to procrastinate, can keep me accountable, and tries not to assume things until she learns the full story.

I’m not saying she needs to be exactly the incredible woman I just described, but I am very much defined by the life calling that God has placed on me, and she needs to fit me in my pursuit of God.

When a ring fits you, you don't even realize it's there. That ring is made for that finger. When you take off a ring that fits after a while, you feel like you're unbalanced, like you're missing a part of you.

Your life calling and your family are things that are a part of you, of your identity. They are things that you can't help but feel passionately about. They fit you because you were made for them and they for you.

If God brings you that one, that person that was made for you and you for them, you will feel that passion. You will look at them and say, "That's who I am. That’s me," almost like when you find that perfect item to complete your "look." Though, I pray, with much more heart-feeling.

In one moment you will realize that about them- that they fit just like a ring on your finger. It may be years after meeting them, but, when God has prepared both of you for each other, He will open your eyes to what He already sees.

When pursing them means pursuing God, you can be sure that His blessing is on you. You are called to a purpose. If God sees it fit to bring you someone, they will become a part of that purpose.

If you want that, if you want to find that person and God has placed a desire for marriage in your heart, then let me offer you some encouragement. You will find them when you are whole-heartedly pursuing God and His purpose for YOUR life. Then, and only then, will they fit you like a ring on your finger.

It is only when we are completely content as singles in our relationship with God that we can be content as couples in that same relationship.

To that end, if you think you may have found that person, hear me out.

Rushing into a "loving" relationship may be the least loving thing you can do.

Love is seeing someone through God's eyes. The more you get to know them – the more of them you see – the more you can love them. You can never stop loving them more, so long as you take the time to get to know them more. But, if you never take the time to get to know them well, you'll never see them as God does and, so, will never love them well.

Treat them as a traveling companion and your relationship as a trek worth taking. As with any good adventure, the journey is as important and wonderful as the destination. Don't miss out on it or you might miss out on your whole story.

It takes a moment to see someone; it takes holding every moment captive to know someone; it takes thousands of captive moments to know someone well. Take your time. It can take decades to discover who you are. It will take a lifetime to discover who they are.

Discussion points:

How does society in the world and society in the Church pressure marriage on people who may not be ready?

How might a relationship suffer if one of those in the relationship has not been made whole in Christ before the relationship?

How can we prepare ourselves for marriage?

How much room for interpretation is there in, “Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” (1 Tim. 5:1b-2) Do you think it’s fair to say that if we wouldn’t do it with our sibling we shouldn’t do it until we have a spouse?

Because He First Loved Us

What does it mean that we love because God first loved us? We can say, “Since God is love, we have to receive that love from God in order to love,” easily enough. What does that really mean, though?

1 John 4:7-21 gives us one of the most insightful explanations of love found in the Bible; however, “love,” like any word repeated over and over again, has lost its meaning today.

Think of what love has meant to you over the years of your life. As children, love means hugs and kisses, being picked up when we fall, being carried when we’re tired, and being reassured when we’re frightened. We search out that comfort.

As we move into our teens, love becomes an intoxicating feeling: something that so powerfully draws us to another person that we have a hard time thinking of it as an emotion. We search out that passion.

Later in life, we begin to develop our own personal understandings of love. It’s often a combination of those two previous thoughts. We throw in a dash of “compromising” and a sprinkling of “putting others first,” and think we have a decent idea of what it means to love. We search out common understanding.

Then, one day, we see love face-to-face. For many of us it happens when we have children and realize, in an instant, that we would sacrifice our entire worlds for that life. Other times we realize that someone gave up his or her life-long dream to care for us. Every so often it happens when someone literally dies to give another life.

When we look at the character of God, Who is love, we see that He gave Himself, He gave freely, He gave unconditionally, and He gave without return. (John 3:16, Matthew 10:8, Romans 5:8, Luke 6:27)

Comfort, passion, community: these are merely byproducts. Love itself is giving without conditions, without recompense, without fear, and without caution.

“We love because he first loved us.” If love were not given us, our love would be nothing more than feelings and gestures.

Do not even begin to think that your “love” can even begin to compare with real love. Finding true love, means seeking after God. Nothing and no one can compare with true love found.

Discussion points:

What differences do you notice between real love and the love we are taught by the world around us?

What is the most powerful picture of love you have seen in your life?

What does it mean to love your neighbor as yourself?

Why would God show us love when we have nothing to offer in return?

How do we show the love of God to others? How do we find it ourselves?