The basis of all lies is in fear: the fear of judgment,
the fear of discovery, the fear rejection, or the fear of loss. In
contradiction to this, each act of confession is done out of the realization
that anything built on a lie is fake and that anything fake is not worth
investing in. Forgiveness, honesty, and
trust are all parts of a relationship.
The secular world tells us that without trust a
relationship ceases to be a relationship. This is a lie. People fail us. It is
simply human nature to look out for our own interests. It is our response to
those people when they fail that defines our relationship with them. A
relationship is not founded in mutual trust. It’s security lies in our trust in
God. If this is not present in a relationship, it will falter at the first test.
There was a
husband who, for 40 years, told his wife not to worry about the dishes, he’d do
them in the morning. Every morning, his wife would get up and wash the dishes
that he’d inevitably forget about as he rushed off to work. Sometimes he’d
remember and send an apology text. Sometimes he’d do it that night. Mostly,
though, he just never did the dishes for his wife. His wife never lost faith in
her husband. She never doubted when he said he would do the dishes, but she was
never disappointed when he didn’t.
This may seem
like a tame example, but this behavior causes marriages today to fail. We are a
petty nation. But to show you how strong this example really is, let me tell
you something else about this couple. Nearly 30 years into their marriage, the
husband had cheated on his wife. He repented and came clean before he was found
out. She forgave him and they moved forward with an even stronger marriage.
Trust, however never factored in to the security of their marriage.
We are, however, instructed to be trustworthy. People
should be able to confide in us: “A
gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.” (Proverbs
11:13)
People should also be able to trust our
judgment. The Bible admonishes the trustworthy wife: “The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of
gain.” (Proverbs 31:11)
Take careful
notice, however, that we are never instructed to trust each other.
More than just be trustworthy, however, our actions are
to back us up. We are to be reliable: “But if anyone
does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his
household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy
5:8)
With our actions backing up what we say, we should be
people that can be taken at their word: “Again
you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely,
but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ But I say to you, Do not
take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the
earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the
great King. And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair
white or black. Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than
this comes from evil.” (Matthew 5:33-37)
The only time that we are called to trust, is
when we are commanded to trust in God:
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)
This is a
foundational trust that is to be the source of our security: "Do
not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.” (John 14:1)
God is the only person we can trust, because he is
the only person who will never let us down: “God is not a human, that he should
lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then
not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” (Numbers 23:19)
Now
I understand that telling you that you’re called to be trustworthy not trusting is not the most romantic thing you’ve ever heard. It should,
though, give you even more hope for your relationships. This is one of the
fundamental truths we can take from the Bible in order to better display a love
that never fails. We are told that:
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all
things, endures all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7)
God understands our desire for love in the midst of our need
to trust: “What
a person desires is unfailing love; better to be poor than a liar.” (Proverbs
19:22)
So, while we are practicing being
trustworthy, and while we may not trust the person we are in a relationship
with fully, we can display unfailing love because of the trust we have in God.
There
will be times when that person hurts you. There will be times when you hurt
them. Never lose sight, though, of the love you live in together: “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but
an enemy multiplies kisses.” (Proverbs 27:6)
We
can overcome everything in love, and in love even the pain we cause each other
is trustworthy because of the security we have in that love: the security we
have in God.
Do
not lose sight, though, that we are not
called to trust each other:
“Do not trust a neighbor; put no
confidence in a friend. Even with the woman who lies in your embrace guard the
words of your lips.” (Micah 7:5)
“Stop trusting in mere humans, who have
but a breath in their nostrils. Why hold them in esteem?” (Isaiah 3:8)
Our
security comes from God alone:
“But as for me, I watch in hope for the
Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.” (Micah 7:7)
We
are called to be reliable and trustworthy. Never are we called to trust other
people, not even our spouses. Clearly, though, we must always believe in them.
We have to trust in them as our partners. Never, though, should we fully rely
on them.
To
put it another way, we are to put faith and belief into each other. We are
never to expect each other not to fail. We should always be trustworthy, but
never expect it of each other. If someone breaks our trust, it must not defeat us. Our security is
always in God. Without this, there simply is not security in a relationship. No
matter our intentions, we will always let each other down. Only God will never
fail. His is the love that we are to demonstrate to each other, and His is a
love that never expects or relies on us.
To
sum it up, I leave you with this verse:
“It is better to take refuge in the
Lord than to trust in humans. It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to
trust in princes.” (Psalm 118:8-9)
In
a relationship we are called to:
Be
trustworthy (Proverbs 11:13, Proverbs 31:11)
We
are not called to:
Trust
each other (Micah 7:5)
Rely
on each other (Isaiah 3:8)
Expect
anything of each other (Psalm 118:8-9)
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