Movement and Hypocrisy

I thought I’d take some time to catch up with everyone. The past few weeks have been pretty crazy, but very good. In the midst of the car repairs, moving, catching up in reading and falling behind again, I’ve had the chance to have some really good conversations with a few friends. So, I wanted to take some time just to talk, not to preach or teach on anything, but just to say some things that have been on my heart.

Those of you who have known me for a long time know that I have a terrible fear of failing people. It causes me to stop and not do anything many times. I become paralyzed. Other times that same fear causes me to become so overwhelmed with guilt and shame that it leads to deep, deep depressions. The past few weeks, I’ve felt both impulses come upon me, but thanks to a strong network of friends and family, I kept moving.

There are two phrases that I love to quote together. The first is by J.R.R. Tolkien: Not all who wander are lost. The second, which some ascribe to Cato, is: He who hesitates is lost. The point is to never stop moving. Depression wins when we stop doing things. We don’t have to know where we are going or even where we are. All you need to know is who you are. Look at what makes you who you are and do those things. When you feel lost or immobilized, you only need to further define yourself. Above all, if you are well defined in yourself, you will never stop becoming that person. The Bible says it one way: He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. You don’t have to be complete yet. You don’t even have to know who are yet. You just need to know what defines you.

The first thing has to be Christ. If your spiritual life isn’t defined, there’s just know way you can have your emotional and physical self defined. I’m not talking metaphysics and existentialism here…well maybe I am actually, but it’s really not that deep or complicated. What I’m saying is, when you have a purpose, you’re never lost. And so long as you’re looking for that purpose, even if you don’t know what it is yet, you’re always closer to fulfilling it. Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.

I know hypocrite gets thrown around in topics like this. Let me be clear. I am a hypocrite. I have been known to say, Do what I do, just like Paul in the Bible. But, I’m also quoting Paul when I say, What I want to do, I do not do, but what I do not want to, this I keep on doing. Like Paul I am the chief among sinners. But the mistakes I’ve made and the mistakes I make do not make the message I talk about any less true. If anything, every time I stumble and fall and I’m brought back to life in Christ, the message becomes even more true in me. The more I make mistakes and experience forgiveness and redemption and a guilt-free, purpose-filled life, the more I want to talk about it.  When it comes to being a sinner, there’s a very good chance that I’m much worse than you. I’m not proud of that. But I’m proud that I no longer let my mistakes weigh me down. I owe that to the Jesus that showed acceptance to the Christians that showed acceptance to me, and it is that acceptance that I hope you feel from me and from Reality in Albuquerque. We’re not here to judge you: just to give you hope.